Shadowedge
by UmbralKnight
Summary: On Naruto's 6th birthday a mystery person helps Naruto out and this alters history somewhat. Main pairing Naruto x Hinata.
1. Prologue: Protector From the Shadows

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any characters, or objects pertaining to the series

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any characters, or objects pertaining to the series. They belong to Masashi Kishimoto.**

**Shadowedge**

**Prologue: Protector from the Shadows**

**Konohagakure no Sato: October 10****th****, 6 years after the Kyuubi attack.**

"I'm out of here!" yelled a strange man.

"Damn! He got away." said a shadowy, dark-blond haired man. "Hmm? What's that noise?"

The man raced towards the noise and is repulsed by what he sees. A large mob has cornered a small boy, no older than six years. They are viciously beating the boy while shouting things such as, "Die demon!" "This is for our families, you damn fox brat!" The child is crying and saying, "Why are you hitting me? I didn't hurt anyone."

The man yells for them to stop as he jumps in between the child and the mob. "Why are you beating this child?" he asks. One of the mob yells, "He is a demon. He killed our families!"

The man raises his right eyebrow and asked, "If he was a demon, do you honestly believe he would be crying and cowering? If he was a demon, he would be killing the lot of you. Also, when did the boy allegedly kill your families?"

The mob murmurs over what he said. The loud mouth from before yells, "The demon brat killed them six years ago, today!"

The man starts leaking killing intent and, in an icy tone, replies, "Fools. You honestly expect me to believe a newly born infant was capable of crawling out of its crib and single-handedly massacred your families? Well, if you don't get out of here this instant, you will be seeing your families again. That's because… I'LL SLAUGHTER YOU!"

With that, the mob scatters, and the man turns to the boy and, in a soothing voice, says, "I'm sorry about what happened. I wish I could be here to protect you but…" Realization spreads across the man's face.

"Kid, I am going to seal myself into you. Eventually, what that means is that you will be able to use my power. However, you will permanently forget the past half hour."

The man rapidly forms hand seals and slaps the boy's left shoulder. A black flash, and the man is gone. The boy falls unconscious to the ground, a design on his left shoulder quickly fading.

Three minutes later, 3 ANBU and a purple-haired woman in a tan trench coat jump onto the scene. The Dog-masked ANBU swears, "Kuso! Naruto! Come on guys, we need to get him to the hospital."


	2. Ch 1 Graduation, Betrayal, Awakening

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any characters, or objects pertaining to the series

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any characters, or objects pertaining to the series. They belong to Masashi Kishimoto.**

Speech note- "Ouch"-Normal speech

_'Ouch'-Thoughts_

**"That had to hurt"- Kyuubi/Boss Summons/ anyone with a sufficiently deep voice.**

"I didn't know a human arm could bend like that."- ??

**Shadowedge**

**Chapter One: Graduation, Betrayal, and Awakening**

**Konohagakure no Sato: 12 years post Kyuubi Attack, Day of Genin Graduation Exam.**

"What do you think you're doing, you brat?!"

Uzumaki Naruto looked down at the angry crowd below him. They, of course, had all rights to be angry. Naruto, or as they preferred to call him, 'The demon brat', had vandalized the Hokage Monument. He did it in paint, no less. He yelled back, "You guys don't have what it takes to do something like this! I rule and you drool!" With that the blond, whiskered 12 year-old got down and made his escape. While being pursued by an assortment of Chuunin, Jounin, and even a few ANBU.

30 minutes later…

"I finally ditched the last of them," said Naruto "Took longer than usual."

"YOU IDIOT! WHY WOULD YOU PUT GRAFFITI ON THE HOKAGE MOUNTAIN," yelled Iruka, scaring the hell out Naruto.

"Sorry, Iruka-sensei. So, I guess you're going to drag me off to class, right?" asked Naruto.

"Sigh, yes Naruto, but after class you're going to wash of the monument, you got that?" spoke Iruka.

Morning Class

"All right class, settle down." said Iruka. The class of graduates to be just ignored Iruka as always and continued on talking. A vein bulges in Iruka's head. Iruka prepares to use his ultimate teaching technique to get attention.

"SHUT UP AND SETTLE DOWN!" yelled Iruka while usin the 'Big-Head-of-Doom no jutstu'.

"Alright class, in the afternoon class we are going to have the graduation exams. During this part of class were goin to review your jutsus. Starting with your transformation skills."

Hokage Monument. 12:30

Naruto was back at the Hokage Monument, washing off the paint he had put there that morning. Nearby, Iruka was watching him to make sure he did so. Iruka asked Naruto why he chose to deface that particular spot. Naruto replied, in short because in the future he was going to be better than all the previous Hokages.

"Hey Naruto, after you're done, what say we get some ramen from Ichiraku's? My treat." said Iruka.

"Oh yeah! Talk about motivation!"

1-hour later, Ichiraku Ramen

"My wallet is going to be feeling light for a while," groaned Iruka. He then looked down at his watch. "Hey Naruto, we should head back now, class is about to start."

With that Iruka emptied his wallet to pay for Naruto's 15 bowls, and the two left to return to the academy.

Graduation Exam: Naruto's turn

"All right Naruto, to pass you need to make three bunshin." Said Iruka, while he was praying in his head, "_Come on Naruto make the three bunshin and you can finally become a genin."_

Naruto attempted to use bunshin no jutsu, and failed horribly. He only made a single clone and it looked half dead.

Iruka's eye twitches and then he says, "You fail."

Mizuki looks at him and says, "Oh, come on Iruka. He did manage to conjure up his other self, even if it is a bit flawed. What say we give him a break…"

"No, Mizuki. Every student is supposed to make three bunshin and Naruto only made a single, poor bunshin."

After Graduation- through Mizuki getting pummeled by Naruto. (Same as canon)

Somewhere in Naruto's Mindscape

"Yawwn! That was one long nap. Judging by my internal clock, I would say 6 or so years have passed since I sealed myself in here. Looks like the kid is finally going to be a shinobi." said the mysterious man, who, on Naruto's sixth birthday, sealed himself into Naruto.

"Well, I guess I should start exploring." With that the man sets of through the sewers of Naruto's mind. After about an apparent half hour, he reaches a large golden cage. Upon the doors, in the middle, holding the entire thing shut, is a single piece of paper with the kanji for seal on it. The man looks to see inside the cage and sees the sleeping form of the mighty Kyuubi no Kitsune. The man thinks to himself, _"So this kid is the legacy of the Yondaime Hokage. That answers why those idiots where out for the kid's blood. Hey, I still have that bet with Nazo."_

Very quietly the man sneaks into the cage and creeps over to the rear end of the Kyuubi, and lifts the tails ever so slightly. He smirks and then quickly and quietly hotfoots it out of the cage while thinking, _"I won the bet. The Kyuubi no Kitsune is a female. If only I could find a way to collect the money form Nazo."_ With that he slipped of to continue exploring.


	3. Ch 2 Dreams and assignments

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any characters, or objects pertaining to the series

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any characters, or objects pertaining to the series. They belong to Masashi Kishimoto.**

Speech note- "Ouch"-Normal speech

_'Ouch'-Thoughts_

**"That had to hurt"- Kyuubi/Boss Summons/ anyone with a sufficiently deep voice.**

"I didn't know a human arm could bend like that."- ??

**Shadowedge**

**Chapter Two: Nightmares and Dreams and Closet Perverts! Oh My!**

**Konohagakure no Sato? Date: ?**

Konoha was burning. Naruto looked around frantically for his friends. Over towards the center of town he saw it. The Kyuubi no Kitsune was loose and destroying the town. Naruto yells and runs to the area it is in. When he gets there he sees the Third Hokage, along with some ANBU and 4 Jounin fighting… something. The four Jounin are as follows: a man with mismatched eyes and gravity defying silver hair; a man with bowl-cut hair, massive eyebrows, and wearing green spandex; a bearded man wielding a pair of trench knives, and smoking a cigarette; and finally a woman with black hair and crimson eyes. The attacks are directed at, not the Kyuubi, but something else. Naruto strains to get a better look at it. Then, what he sees shocks him to the core.

This monstrosity stands six feet tall. Its legs are those of some animals, with the knees inverted. The torso is a powerfully built human torso. From the thing's rear come 9 fox tails. From the back come two leathery wings, perhaps like those of a western dragon. In place of arms, there is a pair of two long, powerful tentacles, each the width of a muscled arm. But that wasn't what shocked, nay horrified, Naruto the most. What did that was the beast's face. It was a bastardized version of his own. The teeth were jagged and large, curved into a maniacal grin. The whisker marks were thickened greatly. Its eyes were red with a slit pupil, but the right eye's pupil was horizontal while the left eye's was vertical. The eyes held an insane gleam.

The Naruto-Monster laughed a high-pitched, insane laugh and cried out, "Let's play!" With that it rushed the third, his ANBU, and the four jounin. Naruto looked around the clearing and saw the bodies of his friends scattered around there. He then saw a man leaning against the side of a building, watching the scene in front of him. The man has a shadowy presence, dark blond hair, thick (no where near Lee or Gai thick) eye brows, pale grey eyes, and a bored expression adorning his face. He stands 6'3". Strapped across his back is a katana. He wears dark, non-descript clothing. He looks at Naruto and says, "So, ningen, what will you do?"

**Konohagakure no Sato, Naruto's apartment. 6:00 A.M.**

"AHHHHH!"

Naruto bolts awake screaming. He looks around and realizes that it was only a nightmare. He gets up and grabs a cup of instant ramen for breakfast. While he waits for the water to boil, he wonders who that man was. Regardless, he shrugs it off and pours the then ready water into the cup of ramen. 10 minutes later, he is headed of to get his picture taken for the registry.

**Later, at the Hokage's office**

"So, what do you think, pretty good right?"

"Do it over. This will not go into the dossiers."

Suddenly, the door slams open, revealing a midget with brown hair, and a really long red scarf. Said midget yells, "On guard, old man! Today I take the Hokage name!" right before tripping over his scarf. Coming in right behind the midget is a rather non-descript man in standard shinobi wear, plus sunglasses. The kid looks up and sees Naruto. He yells, "So you're the one who tripped me!" Naruto grabs the kid by the collar and yells back, "You tripped over your own scarf, stupid!"

Ebisu yells at Naruto, "Unhand him, Naruto! He is the honored grandson of the Sandaime!" Konohamaru looks at Naruto, smirks, and says, "Heh. Looks like you're like all the others. Once you find out he's my grandfather, you chicken out." The Naruto bops Konohamaru upside the head while yelling, "I don't care if he's your grandmother!"

With that Naruto leaves with Konohamru in close pursuit. Naruto looks back and yells quit following me, runt!" Konohamaru removes the sideways fence blanket, and exclaims, "So! You saw through my disguise, eh? Anyways, you have to teach me that awesome Oiroke no Jutsu you used to defeat gramps!" _"That disguise was bad to the point that a two-year old could see through it."_ Naruto looks at Konohamaru and says, "Sure kid, come with me."

**That evening…**

"There you are!" called out Ebisu. Ebisu give Naruto a dirty glare. _"Damn fox… Naruto."_

Naruto looks at Ebisu and mentally shrugs the look off.

"Now, Honored Grandson, it is time for you to return home." says Ebisu.

"No way! I still have to kick gramps' butt and become the next hokage!" says Konohamaru.

Ebisu goes into his whole "The hokage is a master of a thousand jutsu" spiel.

"Behold! Oiroke no Jutsu!" Konohamaru turns into a naked brunette lady of fair beauty, with smoke covering the naughty parts. He then releases the henge, while wondering why the technique didn't work. Ebisu jaw is wide open, and he cries, "What a vulgar display!"

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" Suddenly, 30 Narutos stand in the clearing. Ebisu gets ready to fight while saying something about how he won't fall for what Mizuki did. "Henge!" Suddenly Ebisu has thirty naked, blond women in pig tails all over him. Needless to say, Ebisu is down for the count with a massive nosebleed. Naruto calls Ebisu a closet pervert. Naruto and Konohamaru go into the no short cuts talk, and then leave.

**Area unknown, possibly in Konoha**

Wedding music was playing in the background. Hyuuga Hinata was preparing for the greatest day of her life. She is dressed up in a white wedding dress, and getting ready for her marriage to her beloved Naruto-kun. She goes out and walks down the aisle while looking at her husband-to-be, who is already at the altar, all dressed up in black tuxedo. When she gets to the altar, the priest begins the ceremony. After a while, the priest looks at Hinata and asks her, "Do you, Hyuuga Hinata, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband." She says, "I do." The priest looks at Naruto and asks, "Do you, Uzumaki Naruto, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?" He says, "I do" "Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride." Naruto lifts the veil from Hinata's face and is about to kiss her when…

**Hyuuga main family manor. Hinata's room**

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Hinata wakes up from her dream slightly disappointed. She sighs and heads to the academy for team placement.

**Konoha Ninja Academy**

Naruto sits in class at the end of a row. Shikamaru comes up to him and, "Hey, Naruto, why are you here, this class is for graduates only." Naruto looks at Shikamaru, points at his headband and says, "See the hitai-ate? I passed." Sakura and Ino both barge in the door intent on not letting the other one threw. Soon the both pop out of the door way and race to the seat next to the duck-ass haired Uchiha. Sakura wins the race, so Ino goes and sits by Shikamaru and Chouji. 10 minutes later Iruka walks in and immediately uses the 'Big Head no Jutsu' and yells, "QUIET DOWN CLASS!" "All right class, you are going to be split up into teams of three and assigned to a Jounin sensei. Team one is…

… Team seven will be Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, (Woohoo! from Naruto, and Rats! from Sakura) and Uchiha Sasuke (Reverse exclamations from before.) Your jounin sensei will be Hatake Kakashi. Team eight will be Hyuuga Hinata, Inuzuka Kiba, and Aburame Shino. Your jounin sensei will be Yuuhi Kurenai. Team nine is still in circulation. Team ten will be Yamanaka Ino, Akimichi Chouji, and Nara Shikamaru. Your jounin sensei will be Sarutobi Asuma."

3 hours later, Kakashi still hadn't shown up. Naruto opens the door a little and wedges an eraser. "That's what he gets for being late." 15 minutes later, the door opens and Kakashi is nailed by the eraser. "My first impression is that … I hate you."

**Omake: Kakashi's Nightmare**

Kakashi was heading to the Hokages office for a mission, when suddenly he remembered he was missing his Icha Icha. So he turns around and heads home to grab one of the books. When he gets there, he is horrified. His apartment is on fire. He yells, "NOOOOOO! MY ICHA ICHA! I WILL SAVE THEE!" Unfortunately, he makes it in to late. He collects the ashes of the fallen smut and scatters them to the wind. He begins to wander around town aimlessly, crestfallen from losing his beloved porn.

About a half hour later, he sees a sight that should never have happened in a million years. It was Gai, in all his horrid over-youthfulness glory, surrounded by a horde of women, some civilians, but mostly shinobi. There was Anko, Kurenai, Yuugao, and plenty of other women. Gai notices Kakashi, and says, "Well Kakashi, my eternal rival, it looks like my flames of youth have done what your coolness could not. I now am surrounded by women, while all you have is that most unyouthful porn of yours."

Kakashi is shocked to the core. All of a sudden, the sound of a loudspeaker turning on is heard. _'When did we get a PA system?'_ "Attention everyone, this is the Sandaime Hokage," came Sarutobi's voice, "As many of you know, I am getting old. As such, I have decided to retire from the Hokage name again. I have all ready chosen my replacement. That replacement is none other than Maito Gai." At this Kakashi turns paler than Orochimaru, forms the ram seal, and screams, "Kai!" When that doesn't work, he tries again. "Kai! Kai! KAI!KAI!KAI!KAI!KAI!..." Eventually he just runs off screaming.

(land of the waking)

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Wait, it was just a dream. A horrid dream that I shall never speak of again, but just a dream. Well, no more dango before bed."


	4. Ch 3 Twin Bells

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any characters, or objects pertaining to the series. They belong to Masashi Kishimoto.**

**2****nd**** Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion, or anything pertaining to it. The use of characters below is purely comedic, and way out of whack. Neon Genesis Evangelion belongs to Gainax, and whoever else lays legal claim to it.**

Speech note- "Ouch"-Normal speech

_'Ouch'-Thoughts_

**"That had to hurt"- Kyuubi/Boss Summons/ anyone with a sufficiently deep voice.**

"I didn't know a human arm could bend like that."- ???

**Shadowedge**

**Chapter Three: Twin Bells**

**Konoha Academy**

"Meet me on the roof in five minutes," said Kakashi. With a puff of smoke he disappeared.

After they got up onto the roof, Kakashi asks them to tell a bit about each other. Sakura asks, "Umm… Sensei… Could you go first, to show us how it's done?"

"Oh… me? My name is Hatake Kakashi. My likes and dislikes are none of your concern, I don't really have any dreams for the future, and I have a lot of hobbies. All right, now you go, blondie."

Naruto's eye twitches once before he responds, "My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I like ramen and training. I dislike the three minutes it takes for water to boil as well as people who judge someone for something they didn't do. My dream is to become the next Hokage! My hobbies are training, pranks and gardening."

"All right, you next pinkie."

Sakura ignores the jibe and starts, "My name is Haruno Sakura. I like…" She looks at Sasuke and blushes, "I hate Naruto. My dream is…" Again she looks at Sasuke and blushes, "My hobbies are shopping and dieting."

Kakashi sweatdrops at Sakura's introduction. "All right, finally, the lord of the brood."

Sasuke's eye twitches a few times before he starts, "My name is Uchiha Sasuke. I have almost no likes. I hate just about everything. I have an ambition that I won't let stay as a dream, which is to kill a certain man."

Kakashi reflects back on his team, _'So I have an emo, the emo's fangirl, and sensei's son who happens to have the same ramen addiction and a really horrible taste in clothes. Lovely, just lovely.' _He says, "Tomorrow, meet me at training ground 7 at 6:00 for your first assignment."

Naruto asks, rather loudly, "What type of assignment will it be, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Survival exercises." "Wait, we all ready did survival exercises back at the academy." "This time, you will be surviving against me. This will be to determine whether or not you actually become genin."

"Say what?! But we already passed the graduation exam!" cried out everyone's favorite blonde knucklehead. "Oh, those? Those were just to weed out the hopeless cases. Oh and by the way, don't eat breakfast tomorrow. Unless, of course, you like to throw up." With that Kakashi pulled out his book and started walking home.

**Training Ground 7… 9:00 AM the next day**

Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke have all been waiting for three hours for their teacher to show, when he finally came strolling in, book open. He puts it away as Naruto and Sakura yell, "YOU'RE LATE!" Kakashi said, "Sorry, but I had to help a little old lady cross a busy street while fighting off bandits." "LIAR!" yell two out of three genin hopefuls.

Kakashi pulls out an alarm clock and activates it. He turns to the possible genin and says, "The clock is set to go off at noon. You have to take a bell from me in order to pass. Those who don't get a bell are tied to one of the logs, no lunch and are sent back to the academy for more training." _'So that's why he didn't want us to have breakfast.'_ He holds up two small silver bells. "Wait, sensei. There are only two bells, and three of us," exclaims Sakura. "That's right. This way at least someone is getting tied to a stump. Also, come at me with the intent to kill, or else you won't get anywhere. Ready… Go!"

The three disappear and Kakashi looks around the clearing. _'They've hidden them selves well.'_ "LET THE MATCH BEGIN!" Kakashi looks toward the source of the voice and sees Naruto standing out in the open like an idiot. "Let's make a real match, worthy of mighty warriors!"

"You're thinking of the wrong kind of match."

"The only thing wrong here is your gravity-defying hair." Naruto said. _'Seriously, how does he do that, piles of hair gel? If that's the case, it must cost him a fortune.'_ After that he begins to charge until Kakashi begins to reach for something in his bag.

"This is your first lesson: Taijutsu," says Kakashi as he pulls out a certain orange book. "You were going to attack me, right? Go ahead."

Naruto has a WTF? look expression on his face. "Wait, that's a book. I thought we were going to fight."

Kakashi giggles over his smut and replies, "Of course it is a book. And it won't really matter, considering who I am fighting."

Naruto takes a half second to process this, gets mad and yells, "I'LL FLATTEN YOU!" With that he unleashes a barrage of punches and kicks, never once hitting the perverted Jounin. After a horizontal axe-kick, Naruto loses sight of his sensei-to-be. He hears a voice behind him.

"Showing your back so many times in battle is really bad form." Behind the midget blonde, is a squatting Kakashi, with his hands forming the tiger seal. Kakashi gets a manic gleam in his eye. "Konohagakure Hiden: Taijutsu Ougi: Sennin Goroshi!" With those words he applies the super powered ass-poke to Naruto's posterior, launching Naruto into the river.

While in the river Naruto prepares for a counter attack but pauses because he swears he can hear laughter. He shrugs it off as a figment of his imagination, and uses his Kage Bunshin.

Naruto (or a clone) pulls himself out of the river looking for all the world like a drowned fox, sans tail and ears of course. Kakashi looks at him and asks, "What's the hold up? I thought you were going be Hokage? If you can't get one of these bells, then that's not going to happen."

Naruto yells out, "I'm not going to lose!" With that from the river come about a half dozen more Narutos. Kakashi lazily looks over at the mini-mob and says, "So you really can use that technique. Impressive, but that isn't going to help you very much." The he feels something latch onto his back. He looks over shoulder to see Naruto clinging to him like a leech. One of the Narutos in front of Kakashi charges to punch the Jounin. However, he hits another Naruto. And the whole thing degenerates into a brawl. When Naruto is the last one standing, he sighs and out of the corner of his eye notices a bell lying on the ground. He runs to grab the bell, and swears he can hear someone banging their head on a wall.

Naruto grabs towards the bell and is pulled up by his feet into the tree next to the bell.

**Meanwhile… Inside Naruto's Mindscape.**

"Just how stupid can a person get?" shouted the man who, six years previous, sealed himself into Naruto to protect the kid. "I mean, seriously, if the bait is obvious you don't take it. Regardless of whether the kid makes Genin or not, I am going to have to talk to this kid tonight. Earlier than I planned, but if I don't this kid may end up dead on the first real mission he has, whether it is as a shinobi, or as a mercenary. Damn, I wish I had some alcohol."

Suddenly, a bottle of sake appears in front of the man. He raises one eyebrow, and says, "Thanks, kid. I need this."

**Training Ground Seven 12:00 AM**

The three would be Genin, and the Jounin are at the three logs. Naruto is tied to the middle log. Kakashi looks disappointed at the three kids. "None of you has to worry about heading back to the academy for more training." He sees their eyes glimmer with hope (except the lord of the brood, of course.) "The three of you are hopeless. More schooling is pointless. None of you will ever be shinobi."

**Omake 1; the other teams; Team One:**

"All right class, you are going to be split up into teams of three and assigned to a Jounin sensei. Team one is Ikari Shinji, Ayanami Rei, and Sohryu Asuka Langely. Your Jounin sensei will be Katsuragi Misato. Team two will be…"

An hour later a rather busty woman with purple hair and in clothing some would consider scandalous walks in and says, "Team one? Meet me up on the roof in 15 minutes, kay?" She turns around heads back out the door. Two girls, one with blue hair, red eyes, and an extremely pale complexion, the other with red hair and blue eyes, as well as a boy with black hair and blue eyes get up and follow the woman out to the roof.

The woman looks at the three ninjas to be and says, "All right, why don't we introduce ourselves. I'll start of to show you three how it's done. My name is Katsuragi Misato. I like drinking, penguins and racing. I dislike demons, especially the Kyuubi, as well as Kaji-baka. My dreams… um… well, I haven't thought about those. My hobbies include drinking. Alright let's start with the bluette."

Rei speaks in a tone that is little more than a whisper, "My name is Ayanami Rei. My likes are Shinji-kun, reading, making out with Shinji-kun, and Shinji-kun's food. I dislike Sohryu-san and loud music. My dream is something only Shinji-kun is allowed to know. My hobbies are reading, swimming, and making out with Shinji-kun."

Misato nods and says, "Alright red, you're up."

Asuka declares in a loud, haughty voice, "My name is Sohryu Asuka Langely. My likes are the food baka-boy here makes, as well as beating baka-boy. My dislikes are Wondergirl over there and baka-boy. My dream is to be the best. My hobbies are kicking the crap out of people and being a bitch."

Misato nods again and says, "Now, the lone source of testosterone for the team." At this Asuka snorts.

Shinji says, "My name is Ikari Shinji. My likes are Rei-chan, making out with Rei-chan, and my friends. My dislikes are my father, and when Asuka hits me. My dream is shared by Rei-chan. My hobbies are cooking, making out with Rei-chan and playing the cello."

Misato nods one more time and says "Alright then, now that we all know each other, though it sounds like the bluette and the lone male on the team all ready know each other very well, let's head down to training ground one for your real Genin test."

(Training ground one)

"Alright, your test is a simple one. We're going to have a drinking contest. If one of you can drinking half of what I can before passing out, or all of you collectively drink more than I do, you pass."

After 5 bottles of sake, Rei stops drinking and begins to grab at Shinji, who stops drinking two bottles later and the two head of to who-knows-where together. Asuka manages to down 14 bottles of sake before she passes out. Misato downs thirteen bottles of sake and promptly passes out.

(The next morning)

The whole of team one wakes up to a large hangover… at 11:00 am. Misato groggily says to the three young ones, "Well you fail. By the way, where are our clothes?"

**Omake 2; the other teams; Team Two:**

"Team two will be Aida Kensuke, Suzuhara Touji, and Horaki Hikari. Your Jounin sensei will be Ryoji Kaji. Team three will be…"

After Iruka left the room a scruffy looking man with a ponytail comes in asks, "Team two? Follow me." A brown haired girl with freckles and pigtails, a tall boy with an athletic build, and a short, glasses wearing boy immediately get up follow him out.

(Training ground two)

"Alright, now for your real Genin test. Get me the bra of Katsuragi Misato."

Kaji hears two hell yeahs and he smirks. Then miss Horaki screams "You Pervert! If that is how I have to become a real ninja, then I quit!"

Kaji then looks at the two boys and says, "Sorry, but it looks like I can't pass you guys, because you don't have a third team member. Oh well."

**Omake 3; the other teams; Team Three:**

"Team three will be Ibuki Maya, Hyuuga Makoto, and Aoba Shigeru. Your Jounin sensei will be Akagi Ritsuko."

A fake blond woman walks in and says, "Team three? With me." Three older cadets immediately follow the woman, who stops at training ground three.

She says, "Alright, now the three of you haven't actually become genin yet, and I am going to have to fail you. I just have too much research to catch up on. Maybe next year you'll get a sensei that will give a damn." With that she left.


	5. Ch 4 Paradox

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any characters, or objects pertaining to the series. They belong to Masashi Kishimoto.**

**2****nd**** Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or anything pertaining to it. The use of characters below is purely comedic. Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo.**

Speech note- "Ouch"-Normal speech

_'Ouch'-Thoughts_

**"That had to hurt"- Kyuubi/Boss Summons/ anyone with a sufficiently deep voice.**

"I didn't know a human arm could bend like that."- ???

**Shadowedge**

**Chapter Four: Paradox**

**Konohagakure, Training Ground Seven, 12:04 PM**

"Give it up. None of you will be a ninja."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN GIVE UP? So none of us got one of your stupid bells. But that doesn't mean we should just quit." Yelled/Spoke Naruto.

"The three of you completely missed the point of this exercise." "It had a point?" "Yes. That point is teamwork. Why do you think you were placed into teams in the first place?"

Kakashi glares at three and says in an icy tone, "I'm going to give you guys a second chance. If you're ready to continue, you may eat one of the bentos. But no sharing with Naruto. He goes hungry." " What? Why not, sensei?" queried Sakura. "Naruto tried to sneak lunch, so he goes hungry. If either of you feed him, you fail the test." With that Kakashi leaves but stays hidden within hearing range.

5 minutes later, Sasuke shoves his bento to Naruto saying, "Here." At this both of his teammates look at him as if he just grew two heads. Sasuke sighs and says in explanation, "I'm not worried, Kakashi-sensei is probably miles away by now. We're all going to need our strength in order to get the bells, which Naruto won't have if he doesn't eat anything." Hearing that, Sakura follows her crush's lead and shoves her bento towards Naruto. Naruto thanks both of them.

An explosion of smoke appears in front of them, then dispersing revealing an angry looking Kakashi. "YOU… pass!" He eye-smiles on the last part. He says something about meeting here tomorrow at 7:00 A.M. He throws a kunai to free Naruto before he leaves.

**That night, Naruto's Mindscape**

Naruto opens his eyes and finds himself in a sewer. He stands up and begins to walk in a random direction, when he hears a noise to his right. He stop and looks to that side to see if he could find what made the noise. "Ningen. Come this way." The voice came from the direction he was staring and Naruto starts walking in that direction. After a while he enters a room devoid of water, and filled with furnishings.

"Welcome, Ningen, to my humble abode. We need to talk." Said a voice directly behind Naruto.

Naruto spins around and recognizes it is the man from his nightmare two nights ago. The man smirks and says, "You recognize me from that dream, I see. How about I introduce myself and explain what is going on, eh, Uzumaki Naruto?" At this Naruto nods. The man grins and says "Good, then I'll start with my name. It is Kurokage Gyakusetsu. If you are wondering what the hell my parents were smoking when they named me, you aren't the only one. On your sixth birthday I sealed myself into your left shoulder in order to protect you. I called you down here to talk about your training."

Naruto nods in understanding and asks, "So you name is black shadow paradox? Weird name."

"No shit kid. Anyways, I was going to meet you later but your performance today made me move it up. You were terrible out there." says Gyakusetsu. Naruto looks indignant and is about to make some remark, but Gyakusetsu cuts him off. "Kid, I want to help you, but if you don't acknowledge your own faults then you won't go anywhere. First we'll need to work with your general combat skills, then your chakra control, which, unsurprisingly, is to the point that saying it is terrible is giving you a complement."

Naruto glares at Gyakusetsu and says, "What do you mean my chakra control is bad. And why isn't it surprising?"

Gyakusetsu lazily replies, "I mean that the control you have can just barely be called control. It doesn't surprise me because with the amount and potency of your chakra, if you had average control it would be a miracle. I'll explain about what I meant with that last statement so you can understand."

"A being's basic control of chakra or chakra-like substances depends on two things: The amount they have, and how potent it is. The more you have the harder it is to control. The potency refers to how thick, and thereby powerful it is. Normal human chakra is not very potent, generally having a potency rating of 1. Some humans have naturally thicker chakra, ranging scores from 2 to 5. The most potent chakra can become and still be called chakra is 10. Youkai, the stuff demons use in place of chakra, generally has a rating of 50, give or take a point or two. The stuff you use for chakra has a rating of 15, plus you have extremely high reserves of chakra, more than the average Jounin would. The stuff I use in place of chakra has a rating of 20, and I have double the amount you currently have. When I first started out, I would have envied you, boy."

The two continue talking for a while, and begin a training regimen for Naruto to start ASAP.

**Author's Note: Finally, I can start using the guy's name. Also, I noticed an error in the first omake of last chapter. I had put thirteen where I meant to put thirty. Oops.**

**Omake; the other teams; Teams Four, Five, and Six Revealed:**

"Team Four will be Abarai Renji, Kuchiki Rukia, and Madarame Ikakku. Your Jounin sensei will be Uruhara Kisuke. Team Five will be Inoue Orihime, Ishida Uryuu, and Sado 'Chad' Yasutora. Your Jounin Sensei will be Kurosaki Isshin. Team Six will be Kurosaki Ichigo, Neliel tu Odershank, and Soifon. Your Jounin Sensei will be Shihouin Yoruichi. Team seven will be…"

(The next day)

"Hokage-sama! The potential teams Four, Five, and Six, as well as their senseis have been found dead. It appears to be alcohol poisoning, Hokage-sama. The senseis, as well as Chad and Ichigo, have enough alcohol in their systems to bring down an elephant a piece."

"ZZZZ… what was that? I must have drifted of to sleep doing all this paper work."

**A/N: Sorry, but I'm short on funny today.**


	6. Ch 5 Explanations

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any characters, or objects pertaining to the series. They belong to Masashi Kishimoto.**

Speech note- "Ouch"-Normal speech

_'Ouch'-Thoughts_

**"That had to hurt"- Kyuubi/Boss Summons/ anyone with a sufficiently deep voice.**

"I didn't know a human arm could bend like that."- Gyakusetsu

**Shadowedge**

**Chapter Five: Explanations**

**Naruto's Mindscape**

"Hey Gyakusetsu-san, what are you? I mean, from what you have been saying, you make it sound as if you aren't human." said Naruto.

Gyakusetsu looked at Naruto and smirked, "True, I am not really human. I am mostly human, but I have some rather… interesting… blood in my ancestry. I am descended from a creature called a 'Wrath'."

"A 'Wrath'? What is a 'Wrath'?"

"The best way to explain Wraths is to say that they are inner demons, of sorts. At least the first generation Wraths are. The second generation still are the same as the first, but they don't have hosts to start with."

"Could you give me the whole story?"

"No. But I can tell you what I know about them. But I would rather you not interrupt me while I talk."

"First, I'll give you a briefing on the types of Wraths, as well as what I meant by first and second generation. There are seven types of Wraths. The first three, and the over all weakest, are the least Wraths, the lesser Wraths, and the greater Wraths. Next three are the Terrors. They also come in least, lesser, and greater varieties. The final type, and the rarest, thankfully, is the Unique Wrath. First generation Wraths are spawned from hosts, which could be anyone. The way they are spawned varies from the death of the host, to severe damage to the host, to the host letting the Wrath loose. There are also other ways they can be spawned, but that would take too much time to go in depth. Second generation Wraths are the offspring of two other wraths, usually, but not always, one male and one female."

"The weakest of the Wraths, the least, is a mindless beast. It has an instinct to kill, eat hunt, and to do the bidding of stronger Wraths. The chakra-like substance they use is the weakest of all the Wraths, roughly a 20. In terms of strength, a team or two of genin, could, with a bit of strategy and luck could take down a least."

"The next up is the lesser Wrath. A lesser wrath has a mind, and thus a personality. They generally aren't as intelligent as the average human, they might be able to speak a language, albeit poorly, but they could speak it. Their chakra-like substance (c-l.s. for short) has a potency of 25. They aren't very intelligent, but they have a certain cunning that makes them dangerous. Eight chunin led by a jounin could take down one with a few casualties, maybe a fatality as well."

"The greater Wrath is strongest of the common wraths. They are about as intelligent as the average human, and ridiculously dangerous. Their c-l.s. has a potency of 30. Their powers vary wildly, and it would take few 4 man teams of jounin to take down just one greater Wrath."

"The next are the Terrors. Terrors are greater Wraths that consumed a powerful being, usually another greater Wrath, and in doing so, absorbed the energy of that being. The influx of power warps the body of the now-Terror. The warping of the body causes mental shock to the Terror, decreasing their intelligence. A least Terror is as intelligent as a lesser wrath. Least Terrors are strong enough that only a team of A-rank and S-rank individuals should even attempt to fight them. Their c-l.s. has a potency of 40."

"Lesser Terrors are back to the intelligence they were at when they were greater Wraths. They are ridiculously dangerous, capable of taking down a dragon in single combat. Their c-l.s. has a potency of 50, making it similar to youki. Because of this, lesser Terrors are sometimes confused for actual demons."

"Greater Terrors are the strongest that a Wrath can become. They're rare, and they only fear the Unique Wraths, and even then that isn't necessarily true. The stronger of the greater Terrors can take on various Bijuu in head to head combat. Their c-l.s. has a potency of 60 and up. They're very intelligent, though it varies in each case just how intelligent they are."

"Unique Wraths are thankfully very rare. They are the most powerful wraths to exist. They always have a unique form, personality and set of abilities. Their intelligence varies from each Unique Wrath to the next. Luckily, a Wrath has to be born or spawned as a Unique, otherwise there would be a large number of them by now. I suppose their c-l.s. would average 70. One thing I can tell you for sure about the things is that they each could go toe to toe with a deity and have a good chance of winning."

"I fought one of the Uniques before, but that is a tale for another time. First generation Wraths are weak against their hosts, or a weapon that is linked someway to the host. Wraths share a general personality, though there is a chance of them having a unique personality. The basic personality can be summed up as seeing other being as prey, and that they should be killed at a whim. Lesser and greater Wraths have a 5% of possessing a unique personality, least Terrors have a 20% chance, lesser Terrors have a 35 % chance, and greater Terrors have a 50% chance."

"Now then, what say we go meet someone?"

"Meet someone? Who would we meet here?"

"Why, the Kyuubi no Kitsune of course."

**Naruto's Mindscape, Kyuubi Cage**

"Hold up kid. I'll have a clone wake her up."

Gyakusetsu focuses and creates a clone through thought alone. The clone sneaks into the cage and whispers something in the Kyuubi's ear. Kyuubi wakes with a start, eyes wide. The clone falls and dispels upon hitting the water. Kyuubi looks out of the cage at the two and says, **"I can tell who the midget is, but who are you?"**

"My name is Kurokage Gyakusetsu, Lady Kyuubi," says the wrath-descended man.

**"So, what is it that you two want with me, the mightiest of all demons?"** says the Kyuubi.

"Wait a sec. Gyakusetsu-san, you talk to the fox like it's female. It sure doesn't sound female," noted our favorite knucklehead.

Gyakusetsu smirks and says, "Kid, you try being some 70 feet tall and having a high girly voice. It isn't easy. Possible, but not easy."

"Oh."

"As for your question, Kyuu-chan, we came down so the kid could meet you and see if we can't get on your good side. Though you might want to take a humanoid form to make talking easier."

**Naruto's Apartment, Day after bell test, 6:00 AM**

"YAAAAWWWWNN!"

Naruto wakes up and checks the time. He quickly makes ramen and eats it before heading down to training ground seven. Once there he begins to work on his fighting techniques, while Gyakusetsu gives him pointers. At 7:00 A.M. Kakashi hasn't shown up and the other two are still waiting for him. By this time Naruto has moved onto pushups. By 8:00 Naruto is practicing throwing weapons. By nine he is practicing using his kunai for close quarters. At ten Kakashi finally shows up. "YOU'RE LATE!" shrieks Sakura. "Sorry, but no less than five black cats crossed my path on my way here and I had to take a really long way around." "LIAR!" "Actually Sakura-chan, he might not have been lying. If five black cats did cross his path at certain points he would have taken 5 hours to get here." said the team blonde, surprising the other three present. "Kakashi-sensei," he continued, "do you know where I could get training weights, as well as sword training?"

"Sure, I can help you with those, but what's the sudden interest?" queried Kakashi.

"Oh, um, well yesterday, the fight with you really opened my eyes. I figure that if I can get better physically, I can become Hokage faster. Plus, I read somewhere that is better to be a fool who is poor in all than a fool who can do only one thing." Naruto replied nervously.

"We can see about helping you out after we do our missions for today."

**Training Ground Seven… 4:00 P.M. … Three D-ranks later**

"That's it for today. Naruto, I'm going to take you to a couple of colleagues of mine. The first will be the one to get you your weights. The second will be your teacher for kenjutsu." Kakashi stated.

The two head over to training ground nine, while Sasuke heads home with Sakura pestering him for a date. Once Kakashi and Naruto reach training ground nine they see it has occupants. One is a long-haired Hyuuga; the second is a girl in a Chinese-style shirt, pants, with chocolate brown hair and eyes; the other two look very much alike, one looking like a mini-me of the older one. The both wear green spandex, have giant eyebrows, and have hair that looks like it was cut with a bowl. The younger has orange leg warmers, while the other wears a flak jacket.

Kakashi yells out, "Gai! Come over here!" The older of the two bowl cuts runs over to Kakashi and asks, "Yeah Kakashi, what is it? It isn't time for 99th contest is it, my arch rival?" "No, Gai. Actually, I came to see if I could borrow some of your lightest weights for my student here. He asked if I knew where to get training weights, and I knew to come to you."

Gai pulls some weights from his pouch and hands them to Kakashi while saying, "Actually, Kakashi, I'll give you one better. These weights are designed to take in chakra to increase their weight. However, chakra goes in but it doesn't come out. Right now the weigh some fifty pounds each. Hopefully you youthful pupil will be able to grow stronger and have his flames of youth burn brighter."

Upon hearing this, the mini-me bowl cut has tears well up in his eyes and yells out, "GAI-SENSEI! THAT WAS A MOST INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH!"

"Naruto, run." Kakashi commanded before hightailing it out of there. Naruto follows behind, just in time.

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

Behind the two hugging male comes the mysterious, unbreakable sunset illusion.

**Elsewhere in Konoha**

Naruto and Kakashi catch their breath, while Kakashi explains what they were running from. After that he has Naruto follow him to another part of Konoha. Once there, they meet a sickly looking man with brown hair, a sword at his back, and wearing standard chuunin attire. "Hey Hayate-san, do you think you could my student how to use kenjutsu? Considering you are a swordmaster, you would be the best to teach him." said Kakashi.

"Sure, Hatake-san. How about every (cough) evening from six to seven. Starting tonight, of course (cough). (cough-cough) But first let me ask what he knows. (cough)" said the sickly-nin

"Naruto, tell him you know that you that you cut the enemy and don't get cut yourself."

Naruto says, "Um, I know that you cut the enemy and don't get cut yourself."

Hayate sighs, and coughs before telling Kakashi that he will need a lot of training but it can be done.

**Omake: Kiba's Mistake**

(Park in Konohagakure)

Teams Seven, Eight, and Ten, as well as their senseis, Anko, Inuzuka Hana, and Uzuki Yuugao are all in the park for various reasons and within ear shot of each other. Now this may be unusual in occurrence, but what made this particular gathering noteworthy is the carnage that happened at this particular gathering.

"Hey, Naruto! I've got something to show you, come over here!" yelled Kiba.

Naruto runs over and says, "Yeah, what's up Kiba?"

Kiba pulls out a Playboy magazine and a bit too loudly says, "Playboy!"

"Naruto, move away from Kiba. If you don't want to get hurt, move."

All the female nin, sans Hinata, head over to where Kiba is while Naruto quickly moves away. Kiba looks at Naruto, wondering why he is moving away, until he sees the approaching females. "Ah, shit."

Hana looks at her brother disapprovingly and says, "Kiba, what have you been told about those magazines?" Before he can reply, the kunoichi start to give a really brutal beating.

Five minutes later the beating has stopped. A small, stout kid mutters, **"Damn."** Kiba manages to utter "Ouch."

Naruto looks at him and thinks _"Ouch."_ Inside Naruto's mindscape the two tenants look at the fallen mutt-nin. **"That had to hurt."** The other says in an amused tone, "I didn't know a human arm could bend like that." The Kyuubi looks at him with a what-the-hell look on her face. Gyakusetsu looks back over and says, "I can honestly say that I have never seen, in all my years, a human arm bend quite like that. And that is saying something." The Fox looks back and says, **"You know, I haven't seen an arm bend like that either."**

**Author's Note: ****No more Omakes for a while. But, yeah, I had that one planned for some time now.**


End file.
